Saturday, February 02, 2008

NO's No and more No's.

After my 2nd son P was born, and until he was mobile which he is now, life was like a twister. Now, S will be 3 1/2 soon and P will be 2 yrs soon. They are exactly 18 months apart. They have the routines set, sleep on their own etc etc. The past 1 1/2 years I was into a "Scream full Parenting" Constantly trying to "NO" each child into not doing something. I was helpless, in the true sense. All alone, managing 2 children, with a husband who was busy doing his full time MBA.

Now these "NO"'s have begun to have an adverse effect on my children and also its become my habit to talk in a way which children are perplexed. OK ok....

The story can go on as to what all I have done and how much of a guilt trip I am being put into by my own children. I can see them sinking and shrinking when i am stern. It was then when I re-opened my books.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

This book was an eye opener. I was almost on a guilt trip, when my I discussed this with my friend, about me feeling guilty about how I was behaving with my children. She said STOP FEELING GUILTY. She was a child development psychologist. She was right, I instead started to retreat back and let go. I stopped sayings NO's and instead started to talk more positively.

Like for example: Here is a conversation what goes on at home with my sons and me

Older Son - S : (Screaming at the top of his voice and pushing P) " P, dont touch my car. This is mine"

P: Crying...

Mother: (What I said before reading the book -Screaming) " S stop screaming at him and hitting him, Share your toys"

Mother:(What I said after reading the book) : "S, lower your voice and give him the other car to play with"


I cant tell how much changes this particular book has brought to me and S. This child was so stubborn that he had stopped listening to me. Well, he still will not if I push him to do something, but at least he has started responding to me sanely.

This exercise has just begun. I am still working on a lot of things, anger and frustration are still there in me and my children. Everyday is challenge, to keep reminding myself sane and consciously try to handle my children emotionally and intelligently.

7 comments:

DK said...

wow! such enlightening knowledge sharing! I am sure I will get immensely benefitted when I get my own :-)

Thanks for dropping by my site Archana. The rice is v tender and not hard at all. It is jus like Risotto rice. U know bordering mushy but not! :-) Am sure the kids will enjoy it a lot. Give it a try. If u want you can replace that rice with normal ones too.

Asha said...

Whoa! Mom of two very young kids. I remember those days but thankfully, my kids are teenagers now!:D
I think you are doing a good job so far, enjoy. They do grow up so fast!:))

Rupa said...

Good to know this. I will need to use it soon

Cakespy said...

Gosh, what a level headed approach you have--it sounds like a lot of work raising two children. Bully to you for doing things right even if it is harder!

Laavanya said...

Great post Archana.. I go through the same phase of guilt and regret everytime I scream at my daughter and I'm working very very hard on changing that. I read a book called 1-2-3 Magic and though I'm not following it to the letter, it has taught me to keep my mouth shut and not show emotion (when angry). However positive emotion is something we should readily show the book says. It's a lot of hard work but I'm trying but it gets out of hand so quickly. With 2 kids I can imagine how much tougher it must be. Nice blog you have here.

Jayashree said...

I guess this guilt trip is something common to all of us moms with young kids....I can't tell you how often i've wondered if Iam doing the right thing....

Pravs said...

I am so engrossed in all the post you have here, since i have a little one too and very much looking for all tips to guide me be a better parent :)
Thanks for visiting...you have a lovely blog with nice design too. And hey, i grew up in blore, but now in USA.