Sunday, March 29, 2009

Self is working and working hard

Went out for lunch today (unplanned - as lunch was ready at home). It was the best lunches I had in 4.5 yrs.

Headed out at 10:30 am in the morning to pick up a tennis raquet doshi junior II. Ended up buying a few more raquets for the doshi family, balls etc etc.. Nice sports shop near FAPS, Bangalore called Lal Rakhra.

decided kids will get cranky by the time we get home (its was 12:45 already - 3 hrs post breakfast), so decided to eat out at a known place close by. With the kids so fond of their moms food, they just refuse to eat out, but we did try.

A lovely buffet at South Indies, 1000ft rd, Bangalore, with all my fav food (hoping my kids would eat). Again reminded "self" to be calm and not label and critize and force and push and battle and anger and scream.

Kids had a great lunch, with ease, TV had some car race going on, thank good ness for the race for supporting the "self".

Nice, Mr Doshi I had the best lunch we had in 4.5 years. We sat in the restaurant peacefully for good 3 hours, after dealing with a 1 hour lunch with the kids and plus enjoying and feasting on some yummy food.

"Self" keep doing the job of relaxing and not being responsible for their actions. Relax and focus on myself. What I can do to keep my calm and What I can do to stay focused on that calmness.

It worked today, not once but twice. when I took Doshi Junior I one to a birthday party the same evening. I finally managed to make him play a game with the rest of his friends and he came out happy and for the first time, he came forward to say he enjoyed it. The trick was, I did not push him, but again focused on my self to work on calmness and not label him into many things. I just sat and played the kid game with him!!!

Take it easy and relax.

True to the statement, I had made the routines of mine and the kids so perfect that it started to show imperfections in behavior.

Morning time (be it holiday or weekend or work day)< get up, its time - 6:30 AM already (to the kids). (In my mind - need to make breakfast, feed and again, go to kitchen, cook lunch.. bllah blah..)

Time to sit for some structured play time ( my mind again). OK come kids lets play some puzzles, blah blah...

Ok now time for lunch .... rush rush gulp gulp feed feed .. now come on we have to take our after noon nap.

The new place i moved in has given me great vibes. Nevertheless, got them disciplined before, so this new home needed not much og nagging or was it just me.

Damn, I am glad i disicplined, they know what they are expected. I dont do the same things any more, and dont rush anymore, thanks new home!

I am a learning mom, trying to be responsible for all the things that my kids are doing, but now at the end of 4.5 yrs of raising them, i have realized, my mind burst and opened for a new beginning. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE for MY KIDS actions. Yes thats true.

I am just going to be a RESPONSIBLE TOWARDS them, yes, I am. Which means, they are human beings and I am a mother, but they are still human beings with the mind of their own.

I have relaxed, calmed, and dont rush and dont push.

I am not achieving to be a super mom, I dont compulsarily have puzzle time with them (Oh how I hate it when I have to make them play what I want to play - its a total disaster).

All I do is now read books, have my space and give them my space and be a responsible parent.

"Self" - I yell," please help me continue with this " " and work towards being a calmer me"

"SELF" I yell louder, please help me focus on myself and practice what I preach and avoid "Reactive Behaviors". Until now my mind was not lit clearly, until I was struck by guilt that MY SCREAMING and IGnoRIng" and other reactives were only teaching the same to my child, when I did not want the same form them.

"Self" be with me.