Tuesday, December 04, 2012

The Year 2012- Introspection as a Mother

Nobody says being a mother is easy and yes I am saying it too. I just read a friend's blog and her ramblings as a mother and I think, gosh I do think the same and felt the same and try to do the same.

I have boys who are now 8 and 6.5 yrs of age. All these years apart from giving them good food, routines, times and trying to be with them, there are challenges that I face everyday.

The challenges are a race against their pace and games. Every morning I wake up and see them sleeping in bed. I dont want to wake them up and at night, it is so peaceful to see them sleeping so snug.

Being a mother is such an emotional roller coaster. There are things that I dont want to see myself doing and there are things I am want to give myself a pat for. But guess what comes in between. TIME!.
Its now time to put my work and thoughts into action.

1. Work on calming myself down when I see a chaotic house. I have been working on learning to enjoy the moments when they are back in school. They run, then laugh, they throw things around and they just want to lift their legs and lie down. I have started putting this into action the past few months. But I can get better. I have let gone if they throw things around, go around and pick them up, but tell them firmly once in a while do clean up and so on and so forth.. So as always it does get to me sometimes..

2. I emphasize that we have to be kind and gentle and not to hurt anyone. I preach a lot of this to them, but I need to practice this with them as well. Show them what is gentle and what it is to be kind instead of reacting in angry mommy ways. This will require patience and time, and again as I said, I think even the children are racing against time. I want life to  to slow down. Life is not a race, we have to enjoy it, sit back, think, be calm and relaxed. I want my children to learn to live this kind of life. For that I need to slow the pace. Lead the path for them. Time to get into action into being a good calm and gentle mother.

3. Sibling rivalry - battling this everyday. Working on them to make them understand that they are brothers and have to help each other and respect each other. But ummm ummm. Its a job that I have been entitled to do for the rest of my life. And half the time, this is what gets me into an un-calm and not so gentle state.

4. I have a two boys who are diametrically opposite each other. Each of them have different needs. Dealing with each one of their needs is next to impossible, trying to let go means not paying attention to one of them. Not paying attention leads to hyper ventilating emotions and behavior, phew... I have been torn.
What I plan to do to fix this..

Work on explaining to them..(which I have been doing) that both are my best, but I need time to work on each one of you one at a time. It has been working only sometimes, as most of them time, my attention has to be given together at the same time. One sings a song, I HAVE to listen and the other asks a questions I HAVE to answer. yes we tell them, one by one.. but....torn as I am.. into the life of motherhood, trying to keep pace with their demands.

And guess what is the most difficult, staying calm and patient. As I write, i think why am I in a hurry, I just have two to handle and not a whole class.
I know why.. as each task with each one of them takes eon years to complete or do and end up in fights. Hmmm....

Should I let it pass...May be not. How I am going to handle the undivided time that i can give both of them?
Thinking....Hmm...

May be I can tell them we will sit an talk together from 8:15 PM for about half hour all that they want. That time is free time and yes not time bound to finish other acts like playing with friends or studying.
Infact I had started this, before going to bed we used to sit in the balcony and chat, but along the way, it died. I must start this again a a routine like brushing teeth. I must I must, this really worked.

Wow.. yes I will....The Super natural Power out there, please help me do so.

I will let the pats on my back pass as I have miles to go.. 
Knowing that such changes dont happen over night in children and not even me, I am going to give myself until next year to get this act of mine together.

- Mission Calm and Gentle Mother Time
- Take a step back, and teach children to live life
- Life is not a race, learn to step back and teach them to put their legs up to relax and kick their shoes away
- I know for this race to slow down, I have to move closer to school. This is on highest priority.

The Year 2012 - My First Book

Last year around October I started writing and photographing my first cook book. It's about Gujarat and its food. I am married into a Gujarati family and felt that there was a dying need for me to write down the recipes that were passed on from generations to generations in my family.

Let me tell you 13 years back I never knew how to cook North Indian Food without onion and garlic. Getting married into a Gujarati Jain family, made be open up, loosen up. Thats is when my yearning to be a home chef evolved. Although I loved to cook, I went through emotions of the do and donts of cooking. Like most other cooks, ranted and said "This way or no way".

Years passed and I relaxed, I was alone outside of India in Boston and began to experiment with cooking without onion garlic. I loved it, more experiments and I loved it further and my father in law was in Aww...

Some could not actually believe I can learn a cuisine, just by tasting it once. I would come to India for a 2 week vacation from the US, taste Gujju food at family homes and then go back and make it. No training, no recipe exchange and yea.. I though may be I am just good :)

My father in law saw my talent and said I should write a book, he was an avid writer of Jainism and a philosopher and guide. Along the way his lectures and stories inspired me to be like him, to write, to help and be a social change.

So in 2011 May, I began thinking about my book and just then, a publisher knocked at my email. And wow I was elated. Getting a publisher and running around for someone to publish your thoughts was never easy for me. I had given up. But when this came along, the elated feeling is incomparable, I was in 7th heavens. Thanks Alchemy for having taking me on board.

Very soon I made plans to travel to Gujarat. I traveled to Gujarat to capture the food and life in that state which I am related to. Ate in the oldest eating joints, walked around the beautiful towns and shopped a little. It was all about food and only food. Went into the kitchens and stood along with the cooks and watched them work with their food with utter passion. It was an experience I simply enjoyed, it was only for 3 days. I was sad, wanted to be back home with my children, who I had left with mom and mother in law, and could not have more fun.

I am sure I am going to go back there again. For a whole trip just to do more justice to many more villages and towns. When I do, I will make sure, both my children have a camera so they can capture all that their eyes see.

With dead lines to meet, I started writing, editing, clicking and more writing. By March I handed the book over to the editor and the editor to the designer. Handing over the book out was the toughest part of my life.

Scared that once the book was out of my hands, the additions and changes will stop happening.

I had to tell myself  "Just Do it" and phew.. out it went into the email boxes of the publishers. Book Status is still in the design phase, as I have one of the most sought after designers. This means, the turn for my book design will come soon.

I am still waiting for the design and print..... scared and a weird feeling, but happy.

I look back at my recipes that I have written, I feel the stories can do more justice, but for that I know the second bible on gujarat will have to wait, my second trip to the family land will do all the justice and that day is yet to come.

So in my mind.. agenda for the coming new year, a trip to the food land of Gujarat awaits.. this time with children.